We've been living in Longview four weeks now. Strangely, it has felt like "home" since day one. David said it today while we were walking around Lake Sacajawea (our new Sunday afternoon tradition), "This just feels right."
So what's so right about it you ask? Bear with me while I process a bit.
Where we were:
Everything was the same. Same community, same church, same house, same routine, same friends, same spouse (!), same everything. None of these are bad. In fact, I think a sense of rootedness and stability is a wonderful thing and sorely lacking in our mobile society. For us it was not that any of these things were wrong or bad, but they were extremely comfortable and comfort can make a person tend toward laziness and apathy.
Where we are:
We have felt this breath of fresh air blow though our marriage, our relationship with Jesus and our hopes and dreams for the future.
As a couple we are spending a significantly greater amount of time together; taking walks, working around the house, attending concerts and school functions. In Chehalis, I had my job and David had his and more often than not they pulled us apart rather than bringing us together. Today we had lunch with an inspiring couple from the church we attended. Bob and Mary have been married 67 years. He calls her the 8th wonder of the world. (She says he's the only one who wonders!) They were an absolute delight. If we stay on course with Bob and Mary, we have another 30 years to work on this relationship of ours. We want to be one of those inspiring and delightful couples when we are nearing 90 years old. I think this move has helped propel us in that direction.
We are learning to really listen to the whisper of the Holy Spirit again. It's easy when you have been so entrenched in the life of one church to let that involvement become your default rather than ever take any risks or move out of your comfort zone spiritually. I could have easily kept doing the same things I'd been doing. I was not unhappy. I had a wonderful church and (still have) wonderful friends, but we both feel that there is something new for us here. Our relationships in Chehalis are rich and deep and nothing will change that, but we feel that God is leading us into some new areas. We're not even sure exactly what that will look like yet - but we both sense it. Though there are still some questions about our future (like which community of believers to join), we both feel the reassuring favor of God on this move. We really feel like we are in exactly the right place.
This move has given us courage to think and hope that there are more exciting adventures in our future. Neither of us are big on change. The move was hard. But we did it and it feels exactly right and that gives me hope that there might be more ahead for us.
I want to live every single second of the life God has for me. I don't know exactly what that will look like, but I'm ready to live fearlessly into each season - come what may.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
The Last Days of Summer
The neighborhood is quiet - really much quieter than the Orion Place house from which we could always hear freeway noise and trains. I'm filling my days with reading for class, getting the house set up and letting the dust settle in my soul after a summer of hard work.
I always love these Indian Summer days - warm sunny days, cool clear nights, earth tilting, sun slanting, grasses rustling, leaves turning - fall coming. I love, love, love summer, but fall has to be my second favorite. There is something calming and restful about it that feeds my spirit and gives me peace. Add to the mix the fact that I am not working outside the home for the first time in 22 years and you have a recipe for rest. I know its not forever, so I'm relishing every minute.
I will cherish these restful days, where I can sit in the shade of my back patio and watch the humming birds in the fushia bushes and the ducks landing in the slough. Where I can read and study and write and think.
Thank you Jesus for these quiet, filtered-sunlit-days. I'm resting in You.
Monday, August 20, 2012
We are weak, but He is STRONG!
Addie, would you like to sing a song?
Yes. (With an earnest shake of her darling little head.) Jesuh Yuvs Me.
And sing she did. In fact she sang it over and over and over again all week long. Addie and her big sister Annice and Mommy & Daddy spent last week with us helping us prepare for our big move. It's no surprise that the girl loves music and loves to sing - I mean really - it's in her genes. But it did get almost comical how many times she sang her two year old version of Jesus Loves Me. I guess God knew how much I would need to hang onto those simple words this week.
You see, tragedy struck our extended family again today. Our son-in-law's father died unexpectedly.
I did what I could to help. Grieving with the family, doing dishes, preparing food, helping with the baby. And praying - hard. And all day long the words to Jesus Loves Me went round and round in my head. Speaking conservatively, I probably know hundreds of songs, but this is the one that has ministered to my broken heart today.
Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so...
When tragedy strikes, doubt is often one of our first responses. It's a trick as old as time, yet we fall for it with shocking ease. Satan used it on Eve, "Did God really say?..."
Satan's voice whispers in our ear,
"God is holding out on you. If He really loved you, would he have let ________ (cancer, death, betrayal, divorce, job loss, financial ruin, fill in the blank) happen?
Where is your God now?
Bad things don't happen to good people.
You are cursed.
You are a failure.
God doesn't really love you, you know."
If we do not hold on to what we know of God, those seeds of doubt take root and grow at an alarming rate. Soon all we can see is the darkness, as a forest of doubt trees block our view of the Son.
Little ones to Him belong...
No matter how old I am chronologically, or how "mature" I am (or think I am) spiritually, I'm still His little one. In fact, Jesus said that unless I become like a little child, I have no hope of entering His kingdom. Little ones are vulnerable, they are trusting, they get hurt, they are learning all the time, they make mistakes. That's me. I'm His little one. When hard times come, I have to know that I belong to Jesus. However, in our weakened state, those arrows of doubt can pierce our tender, childlike hearts.
They are weak...
When will we admit it? We are weak.
This one is a pet peeve so excuse me while I go on a bit of a rant. It infuriates me when hard or tragic things happen and people say, "God must know how strong you are." Or the classic twisting of scripture, "God won't give you any more than you can handle."
Hear me loud and clear: THE BIBLE DOES NOT SAY THAT!!!!! (And yes, I AM SHOUTING!)
What the Bible does say is that when we are weak (which is all the time by the way), then His strength comes through. In fact it says that His strength is strongest when we are weakest.
But what do we do? We say things like, "I can handle it." or "I'll be OK." or "I don't need to talk about it, I just need to move on with my life." Why, oh why do we rob ourselves of His amazing strength? Because we're too proud to admit that we are weak.
But He is strong...
Do you know how strong Jesus is? He carried the weight of the sin of the whole world on the cross. That's how strong He is. He willingly died a cruel, criminal and undeserved death on that cross, so that you and I would not have to pay the price for our sin. That's how strong He is. Death could not hold Him in the grave. That's how strong He is. He never sleeps, He's always watching, always praying, always standing in for us. That's how strong He is. Do you know how strong Jesus is? He is STRONG! Oh friend, believe it.
Yes! Jesus loves me...
Weak, battle weary, wounded, confused and childlike, I run into His strong arms because I know He loves me. On a day like today that is the only thing I am sure of. And strangely - it is enough.
I am weak, but He is STRONG. Yes! Jesus loves me.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate
us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39 NLT
Yes. (With an earnest shake of her darling little head.) Jesuh Yuvs Me.
And sing she did. In fact she sang it over and over and over again all week long. Addie and her big sister Annice and Mommy & Daddy spent last week with us helping us prepare for our big move. It's no surprise that the girl loves music and loves to sing - I mean really - it's in her genes. But it did get almost comical how many times she sang her two year old version of Jesus Loves Me. I guess God knew how much I would need to hang onto those simple words this week.
You see, tragedy struck our extended family again today. Our son-in-law's father died unexpectedly.
I did what I could to help. Grieving with the family, doing dishes, preparing food, helping with the baby. And praying - hard. And all day long the words to Jesus Loves Me went round and round in my head. Speaking conservatively, I probably know hundreds of songs, but this is the one that has ministered to my broken heart today.
Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so...
When tragedy strikes, doubt is often one of our first responses. It's a trick as old as time, yet we fall for it with shocking ease. Satan used it on Eve, "Did God really say?..."
Satan's voice whispers in our ear,
"God is holding out on you. If He really loved you, would he have let ________ (cancer, death, betrayal, divorce, job loss, financial ruin, fill in the blank) happen?
Where is your God now?
Bad things don't happen to good people.
You are cursed.
You are a failure.
God doesn't really love you, you know."
If we do not hold on to what we know of God, those seeds of doubt take root and grow at an alarming rate. Soon all we can see is the darkness, as a forest of doubt trees block our view of the Son.
Little ones to Him belong...
No matter how old I am chronologically, or how "mature" I am (or think I am) spiritually, I'm still His little one. In fact, Jesus said that unless I become like a little child, I have no hope of entering His kingdom. Little ones are vulnerable, they are trusting, they get hurt, they are learning all the time, they make mistakes. That's me. I'm His little one. When hard times come, I have to know that I belong to Jesus. However, in our weakened state, those arrows of doubt can pierce our tender, childlike hearts.
They are weak...
When will we admit it? We are weak.
This one is a pet peeve so excuse me while I go on a bit of a rant. It infuriates me when hard or tragic things happen and people say, "God must know how strong you are." Or the classic twisting of scripture, "God won't give you any more than you can handle."
Hear me loud and clear: THE BIBLE DOES NOT SAY THAT!!!!! (And yes, I AM SHOUTING!)
What the Bible does say is that when we are weak (which is all the time by the way), then His strength comes through. In fact it says that His strength is strongest when we are weakest.
But what do we do? We say things like, "I can handle it." or "I'll be OK." or "I don't need to talk about it, I just need to move on with my life." Why, oh why do we rob ourselves of His amazing strength? Because we're too proud to admit that we are weak.
But He is strong...
Do you know how strong Jesus is? He carried the weight of the sin of the whole world on the cross. That's how strong He is. He willingly died a cruel, criminal and undeserved death on that cross, so that you and I would not have to pay the price for our sin. That's how strong He is. Death could not hold Him in the grave. That's how strong He is. He never sleeps, He's always watching, always praying, always standing in for us. That's how strong He is. Do you know how strong Jesus is? He is STRONG! Oh friend, believe it.
Yes! Jesus loves me...
Weak, battle weary, wounded, confused and childlike, I run into His strong arms because I know He loves me. On a day like today that is the only thing I am sure of. And strangely - it is enough.
I am weak, but He is STRONG. Yes! Jesus loves me.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate
us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39 NLT
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Quiet
It's just David and me here at home these days. Our house used to be so full and noisy. Now the only sound is the radio or TV; the sound of my husband's happy whistle as he works outside; the scrape of dishes; snatches of conversation. But most of the time it's just quiet. I used to love the early morning because it was the only time the house was truly quiet.
So, why do I still love the early morning? Because it's a different kind of quiet. It's like getting to a concert early to get the best seat. It's anticipation (sometimes dread) for the day ahead. I like morning because the quiet of the early morning speaks of hope.
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the LORD
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Psalm 130:5-6
So, why do I still love the early morning? Because it's a different kind of quiet. It's like getting to a concert early to get the best seat. It's anticipation (sometimes dread) for the day ahead. I like morning because the quiet of the early morning speaks of hope.
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the LORD
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Psalm 130:5-6
Friday, June 22, 2012
Looking for a home
This is a strange season. I feel spiritually homeless without a church home. Every week David and I look at each other and say, Where are we going to church this weekend? I've never had to ask that question in my whole life. Bethel Church has been home to me since I was born.
We've been talking - David & I - about what we will be looking for in a church when we move south. I know there's no perfect church - no perfect pastor. I'm not looking for perfection. And, we probably won't be able to find everything on our list. (partly because we have some - eh hem - differing opinions on this subject...) Here are the characteristics - the qualities we're looking for in our new church.
1. Multi-generational. I love old people, but a church full of old people speaks of people who only care about themselves, who are not willing to make changes and adjustments to include younger families. It speaks of a church full of people who have not taken their responsibility to speak of God's faithfulness to the succeeding generations. On the other hand - I don't want a church that is comprise of ONLY young people - as refreshing as that may be for a time. David & I attended Mars Hill a couple of weeks ago. I looked around and thought, Where's the wisdom in this church? Who mentors all these young families? A church full of only young people speaks of the same inflexibility that a church of only old people does. It's all about me - my preferences, my likes and dislikes. I want to attend a church where there is respect and value for all the generations because that's what the body of Christ is supposed to look like.
2. Music of all genres is valued. This is David's #1. Music has always been important to us. I think we're both past the desire to do big musical productions like the Singing Christmas Tree (well I am anyway), but both of us love a worship service that incorporates "psalms, hymns and spiritual songs." A place where there is quiet reflection and joyous celebration; where a classical piece can be played or sung alongside a guitar-driven newly composed song; a place where the people on stage reflect the multi-generational value of the body of Christ.
3. Biblical preaching. There is nothing wrong with sermon series based on current topics. But I would love to sit under a preacher who simply opens the Word of God and talks straight about what God says. My concern for many churches is that we have created a "just add Jesus" gospel - where adding Jesus to your life makes things better, more convenient. Just add Jesus and you get into heaven - you don't have to do anything - change anything. You just add Jesus to your existing set of values and principles. The Jesus I see in the New Testament says that we trade our old life for His - we don't just add him to ours. He says we die to ourselves and take on a new life in Christ. I'm afraid we've missed that part.
4. Financially responsible. I don't want to go to a church that spends a disproportionate amount of money on it's building - and (dare I say it?) staff. Coming from someone who has taken a good paycheck from the church for over 20 years, this is a big revelation to me. I'm not opposed to paying pastors and I would love to serve on a church staff again at some point. I don't want to go to a church that borrows money to build buildings. I'd love to see a church that places value on caring for it's people - not the building or staff. A simple place where needs are met.
I have the feeling this church will not be a "mega" church. But that remains to be seen.
It feels strange to be "shopping" for a church. It would be simpler if we just went to the AG church in town. *sigh*
We've been talking - David & I - about what we will be looking for in a church when we move south. I know there's no perfect church - no perfect pastor. I'm not looking for perfection. And, we probably won't be able to find everything on our list. (partly because we have some - eh hem - differing opinions on this subject...) Here are the characteristics - the qualities we're looking for in our new church.
1. Multi-generational. I love old people, but a church full of old people speaks of people who only care about themselves, who are not willing to make changes and adjustments to include younger families. It speaks of a church full of people who have not taken their responsibility to speak of God's faithfulness to the succeeding generations. On the other hand - I don't want a church that is comprise of ONLY young people - as refreshing as that may be for a time. David & I attended Mars Hill a couple of weeks ago. I looked around and thought, Where's the wisdom in this church? Who mentors all these young families? A church full of only young people speaks of the same inflexibility that a church of only old people does. It's all about me - my preferences, my likes and dislikes. I want to attend a church where there is respect and value for all the generations because that's what the body of Christ is supposed to look like.
2. Music of all genres is valued. This is David's #1. Music has always been important to us. I think we're both past the desire to do big musical productions like the Singing Christmas Tree (well I am anyway), but both of us love a worship service that incorporates "psalms, hymns and spiritual songs." A place where there is quiet reflection and joyous celebration; where a classical piece can be played or sung alongside a guitar-driven newly composed song; a place where the people on stage reflect the multi-generational value of the body of Christ.
3. Biblical preaching. There is nothing wrong with sermon series based on current topics. But I would love to sit under a preacher who simply opens the Word of God and talks straight about what God says. My concern for many churches is that we have created a "just add Jesus" gospel - where adding Jesus to your life makes things better, more convenient. Just add Jesus and you get into heaven - you don't have to do anything - change anything. You just add Jesus to your existing set of values and principles. The Jesus I see in the New Testament says that we trade our old life for His - we don't just add him to ours. He says we die to ourselves and take on a new life in Christ. I'm afraid we've missed that part.
4. Financially responsible. I don't want to go to a church that spends a disproportionate amount of money on it's building - and (dare I say it?) staff. Coming from someone who has taken a good paycheck from the church for over 20 years, this is a big revelation to me. I'm not opposed to paying pastors and I would love to serve on a church staff again at some point. I don't want to go to a church that borrows money to build buildings. I'd love to see a church that places value on caring for it's people - not the building or staff. A simple place where needs are met.
I have the feeling this church will not be a "mega" church. But that remains to be seen.
It feels strange to be "shopping" for a church. It would be simpler if we just went to the AG church in town. *sigh*
Monday, June 18, 2012
This is how it feels to be free...
OK - it's a bit of a joke, but really, free - that's pretty much how I feel right now. It's been just about two weeks since I had any responsibility at the church and I can't tell you how great it feels! (And yes - I mean that exclamation point!!!)
I wondered how this was going to feel. Would I grieve? Would I regret my decision? Would I long to be back in the fray of the church leadership world? So far the answer to all of those questions is a resounding, NO! (Another exclamation point!) I had a crazy dream the other night that I "forgot" I wasn't working at the church any more and showed up for staff meeting. No one seemed to notice, so I participated like normal. Then I went to my office and discovered that it had been painted with murals on every wall, and there were at least 3 people working there. I suddenly remembered that I didn't work there anymore. I laughed and walked out. It didn't even bother me that everything had changed. That's really how I feel. I know things are different now and (don't take this wrong) I don't care. I've shaken my head a couple of times at some of the changes I've heard about, but it just really does not bother me.
I get up every day with my own agenda and I love it. I may not love it so much in a few weeks when I start to feel the financial pinch, but right now I feel that it is a gift. I've been working hard on my writing for class (and I'd better get back to that right now...) and enjoying my family. I've been cooking dinner again (my husband likes that), I'm not spending nearly as much money on eating out and groceries. I've been exercising again and eating better. All in all, this has been the best decision I've made in a very long time.
Only God knows what the future holds. Maybe after a time I'll be ready to jump back into the church leadership world again. But so far I've loved just going to church (or not). I've completely entered into worship and engaged in the teaching. And when I go home, I take that feeling of peace home instead being exhausted and already thinking about all I have to do for the next week.
So Lord, what's next? Only He knows, but for now I'm going to completely enjoy this freedom.
I wondered how this was going to feel. Would I grieve? Would I regret my decision? Would I long to be back in the fray of the church leadership world? So far the answer to all of those questions is a resounding, NO! (Another exclamation point!) I had a crazy dream the other night that I "forgot" I wasn't working at the church any more and showed up for staff meeting. No one seemed to notice, so I participated like normal. Then I went to my office and discovered that it had been painted with murals on every wall, and there were at least 3 people working there. I suddenly remembered that I didn't work there anymore. I laughed and walked out. It didn't even bother me that everything had changed. That's really how I feel. I know things are different now and (don't take this wrong) I don't care. I've shaken my head a couple of times at some of the changes I've heard about, but it just really does not bother me.
I get up every day with my own agenda and I love it. I may not love it so much in a few weeks when I start to feel the financial pinch, but right now I feel that it is a gift. I've been working hard on my writing for class (and I'd better get back to that right now...) and enjoying my family. I've been cooking dinner again (my husband likes that), I'm not spending nearly as much money on eating out and groceries. I've been exercising again and eating better. All in all, this has been the best decision I've made in a very long time.
Only God knows what the future holds. Maybe after a time I'll be ready to jump back into the church leadership world again. But so far I've loved just going to church (or not). I've completely entered into worship and engaged in the teaching. And when I go home, I take that feeling of peace home instead being exhausted and already thinking about all I have to do for the next week.
So Lord, what's next? Only He knows, but for now I'm going to completely enjoy this freedom.
Friday, May 25, 2012
These Fragile Days
I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Wade Lowrey, dead? There they were, the Facebook messages one after another expressing sadness and shock; yet each one laced with hope and joy. My friend Wade died last night. He was only 34.
Within one week I lost two dear friends - both of them under age 40. Much, much too young to die. At the same time, a tiny one week old baby is clinging precariously to life in a Seattle hospital and my 73 year old sister-in-law is living what appear to be her last days. My friend Jen at 83 is talking a lot about this lately. She suffered a small stoke a few months back and feels the tug of heaven more each day. I know she (not so) secretly wishes that Jesus would just carry her to heaven as she sleeps one night - I think it might just be God's humor to let her outlive all of us.
I know that this earthly life is temporary. I know it, yet I don't always live that way. I've been thinking about what really matters in life so much these past few weeks. As I prepare to move from Chehalis and leave my dear friends at Bethel Church, I've weighed my words and thought much about what I want to say to each one. It's a little weird really - like preparing for your own funeral. So many kind words spoken. So many tears of good-bye. I'm thankful for this opportunity to say important things and to hear some as well.
This life is so short - these days so fragile.
"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." These words were spoken by the Apostle Paul. We too live in this tension of longing to fulfill every moment of this earthly life that God has planned for us, yet also longing to see Jesus face.
Until that day sweet friends. Live. Live every moment to the fullest. Don't waste one of these fragile days.
Within one week I lost two dear friends - both of them under age 40. Much, much too young to die. At the same time, a tiny one week old baby is clinging precariously to life in a Seattle hospital and my 73 year old sister-in-law is living what appear to be her last days. My friend Jen at 83 is talking a lot about this lately. She suffered a small stoke a few months back and feels the tug of heaven more each day. I know she (not so) secretly wishes that Jesus would just carry her to heaven as she sleeps one night - I think it might just be God's humor to let her outlive all of us.
I know that this earthly life is temporary. I know it, yet I don't always live that way. I've been thinking about what really matters in life so much these past few weeks. As I prepare to move from Chehalis and leave my dear friends at Bethel Church, I've weighed my words and thought much about what I want to say to each one. It's a little weird really - like preparing for your own funeral. So many kind words spoken. So many tears of good-bye. I'm thankful for this opportunity to say important things and to hear some as well.
This life is so short - these days so fragile.
"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." These words were spoken by the Apostle Paul. We too live in this tension of longing to fulfill every moment of this earthly life that God has planned for us, yet also longing to see Jesus face.
Until that day sweet friends. Live. Live every moment to the fullest. Don't waste one of these fragile days.
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